1.30.24

i cried today, really really agressively. my dad called me at around 4:30 by accident i assume because when i answered, he yelled out in anger. when i asked what was wrong, he hung up without saying a word. i kept thinking about how he was feeling, all of the bad memories, the outbursts, and all of my emotions frm the past couple of months that i had bottled up all came out. it was a big and loud cry into my pillow but it was very short, lasting around 2 or 3 minutes or so, but damn did it feel good. letting it all out was something i really needed. my dads outbursts and emotions always get to me for some reason, i dont know why it does but it always happens. i dont know why but i really wanna figure out why i get like this, what kind of trauma did my dad put me through where i cry uncontrollably when things get like this? why cant he just get better? why is it taking so long for things to get better? will they ever get better? not sure, imma go eat now